I slammed the car door. I just got out of clinic and finished up a ten hour day. I couldn’t wait to head home and relax something that has been hard to do this past week. My last patient of the day was a handful to say the least but I put that all behind me as I thought about the conversation I had earlier that day with my doctor. I drove my five minutes back home and finally sat on my recliner couch with my huge swollen feet in the air. I was exhausted. As I stood to grab some food I had left over from my lunch I just felt like I peed my pants. A whoop of wetness just trickled down my legs. I went to change and ignored it. I was leaking all day but the doctor said that was normal so I proceeded to eat my Mediterranean wrap. As I got up the second time I had to go change my clothes again, this time I started feeling anxious. This is not normal. They describe when your water breaks usually it’s like a hose and spills everywhere but that’s not how mine was so I didn’t think of it being anything all day. I called my doula just in case and she told me to call my doctor, then it all started. Anxiety hit. I was by myself and my husband was probably on a rig in Los Angeles driving a patient somewhere. He was an EMT at that time and definitely far away when I called him. He was able to only get back home by ten o’clock at night but luckily for me I had friends that stayed and calmed me down while we waited. This was scary. This is not how I wanted my birth to go. This was not how I wrote it all out. We were supposed to have early labor at home and then drive to the hospital during active labor. I wasn’t getting any contractions.
Once my husband finally picked me up, it would take us an hour to get to the hospital but we stopped by Carls Jr. before we hit the freeway anyway. At the hospital they tested if it was really amniotic fluid and once they said it was they admitted me. No pressure but this baby needs to be delivered as soon as possible since my water broke. Ok here I am imagining that I am not having any contractions and I am depriving my baby amniotic fluid. No one told me that the placenta makes new amniotic fluid every 3 hours. Did you know that? So here I am 7 in the morning pacing the hallways with my doula. Come on contractions! I keep telling her how I don’t want Pitocin because I know I will have to get an epidural in the end. Tears filled my eyes, I became shaky. I didn’t want Pitocin. Guess what? I got Pitocin and an epidural about ten hours later. I was honestly going to pass out if I didn’t get an epidural.
Looking back I’m wondering if this all happened just because my mind was so set on the cascade of interventions or the fact that I had 12 hour days my whole ninth month of pregnancy and not enough rest. I mean I was just exhausted. They kept checking me to see if my cervix dilated but it was stuck at 4cm. Who does that? Who keeps checking? It made me feel defeated hour upon hour when I didn’t hear any progress. My doula and my husband were great though in the hours that I didn’t have an epidural. I remember when my first contraction started. We were playing a really fun card game to get our minds off of everything. I can’t remember right now what the game was but I was laughing and smiling, trying to concentrate on winning. All of sudden I had to drop those cards, I couldn’t concentrate anymore. Fear set in. Pain came on and so did my sympathetic system. I could feel how tight my whole body was. We tried so many different positions and the birthing ball; nothing seemed to help the pain go away. I don’t regret getting the epidural. I was able to sleep and get ready for the pushing part. Forty hours later our bundle of joy arrived and I do not regret any part of my labor. Yes it didn’t go how I wanted to but I wasn’t as educated on the whole birth process as I am today. I didn’t allow my body to just let go. Having those contractions and going through the birth canal is very beneficial to the baby and looking back I am happy I went through that pain to give him those benefits. Being a mom is a sacrifice and it starts as soon as you’re pregnant. In four days my little one will be one and I still remember some of the details of my birth. If you’re asking if I would do it again? I definitely would even though I know there will be pain involved. I can’t wait to celebrate our first year together. He’s such a funny guy, just like his papa.