When people ask me about a second child I begin to twitch a little. It's the same repetitive question I have been listening to the last couple of years. I appreciate questions of "How's being a mom?" "How's your toddler?" or anything else related to how I'm handling life in general. These are the questions that matter at the moment. Bashing with the question of, "When are you getting a second child" was sweet at first but it slowly transformed into more of an annoyance. It’s not just because I don’t know what to say, it’s because the answer to this question is tedious and no one ever has time to listen nor is it something I would like to share with everyone. Pregnancy and child prepping, those are all intimate topics. They are topics that should be discussed by only two people, preferably in private.
Can I be honest? I love kids and so does my husband. My first born is my inspiration. I always knew I wanted to specialize working with kids, but I didn’t know how interested I would be in the pregnancy field. My whole life changed after I had my son. I didn’t only physically change, but emotionally too. I became a different person. I became a mom. I fell in love with being a mom so it was an easy career choice to start helping other moms. If it means that I need to sacrifice the spacing of my kids to make sure I give a hundred percent to family and career, then I am willing to take it.
Most of my friends are now starting to have kids but I was the first one to be pregnant. I didn’t have the right support system back then. Pregnancy is a big step and it’s a much bigger step the second time around, especially if you don’t have the right support. Every pregnancy is different. Every baby is different. It's not 1-2-3 and go! I wish taking care of a second child would be as easy as asking the question. It’s not the groceries lady’s business nor my acquaintances nor friends. The thing is there is a difference between wanting and having. It’s no one’s business of course when we have our second child. (Unless of course they want to donate to the child’s college fund).
I honestly do not understand why it is such a hot topic. The continuous interrogation began ever since my child turned one. I am just feeling like a normal human being again, almost three years later. I am in no rush. I don’t have a timeline. I mean these questions have becomes so absurd that instead of greeting me, I get asked “When’s the second one?” or “Are you pregnant yet?”. I do not care if it’s done out of curiosity, or just simple love, it needs to stop. Someone even had the audacity to remark, “I am sorry you’re not having a second one yet, I feel really sorry for your child.” Really? YOU feel sorry for my child? My child is getting all the love and attention he deserves and YOU feel sorry for him? I don’t. I think he’s having the time of his life. I think people are ignorant. Yes in the long run having two kids, two years apart might be great because they will love each other to death, or kill each other in the long run. Who knows? One thing that I know is that I personally wouldn’t be able to dedicate myself to raising my toddler with a demanding newborn in my arms, because that’s the reality, my reality. I applaud those people who do. My husband and I are on our own. We’re raising our toddler and 5 year old puppy by ourselves and its up to us to decide when and if we are ready.
I am not racing nor competing with anyone; I am just enjoying the four of us. So next time you see a mother with a toddler and criticize her for not having a second child, maybe ask how she’s doing first before asking when she’s popping out her second one. Just saying!