My second daughter was born in mid-May and by mid-June I was spending at least a couple of hours each day on my computer, checking in on my online business.
I’d managed to delegate nearly all of the essential work for the day-to-
day operations of running the business and defer activities that only I could do, like run online course sessions, while my passive income streams kept the business going.
I didn’t want to commit myself to work during this special, unpredictable time. But I also had the foresight to anticipate that my creative spirit would not want as long of a rest as my healing, post-partum body.
So before my daughter was born, I’d prepared to work on the second edition of a book I’d written 5 years back. The book desperately needed a major overhaul and it was the perfect project for the relative downtime. I had gone through the first edition, annotating it with updates and improvements to make, mostly while receiving stints at the chiropractor to loosen up the unstoppable tension in my hips.
So my work was already carved out and compartmentalized into small tasks – perfect for the stolen moments I’d have as the mom of a newborn.
But here’s the thing. My daughter refused to sleep in her bassinet. My first daughter was “easy”, falling quickly into a regular nap and nursing schedule, sleeping 4 hours at night, you know, that kind of “easy”.
I wasn’t prepared for truly hard.
I wasn’t prepared to hold my daughter 16 hours a day while my husband picked up the other 8, just so she wouldn’t cry.
I wasn’t prepared to shut my brain off. I was prepared to write my book in short windows of time between nursing sessions.
So I did. I would nestle my daughter into the Ergo or Moby, do a few laps around the house, and then gently ease myself into my desk chair. Perhaps she found the clicking of the keyboard a familiar, soothing sound, as she had definitely experienced a lot of it in the womb.
No matter, she would sleep, sometimes for very long stretches. I would sit, baby strapped on, and write. Blissfully write.
But it wasn’t always this peaceful. Towards the middle of the summer, it was clear my project was going to be ready for an editor soon. But I had to find one! I remember a call to talk to an editor that happened on one of those tougher days we all experience as moms of newborns. I made circle after circle around our large kitchen island, wiggling and juggling her into short spurts of comfort.
One thing I learned is that people care less about these distractions than you’d expect them to. I’ve talked to my coach, various consultants, my virtual assistant, and even participated in a live course Q&A while baby-holding, nursing, and soothing.
After a few months of working like this, my back decided it was not a good idea. I literally could not put my daughter in a carrier for two days straight without my shoulders seizing up on me. During certain moments, I couldn’t even reach down to pick up her 10 pound little body. This happened two days before we were flying to see family out of state, when I would need to carry my daughter around the airport while my husband carried out then 2 ½ year old.
I went back to my trusted chiropractor and, you know what, my back got better. What’s more, as soon as we got to family, where we’d have a ton of help with holding our daughter decided she could sleep on her own, just about wherever. I’m talking on blankets at the beach, in patio chairs, and even in her portable crib.
We got through that hurdle, only to face another. I honestly don’t even remember what the next one was. I simply know that life with children has been one adjustment after another, as I figure out how to balance what I want for me with what they need from me. As my daughters grow and evolve and become more of themselves, I’m doing the same.
We’re on this creative journey together, my daughters and I, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. When the guilt pops up about my work, I gently remind myself that by seeing me honor my creative spirit, they will learn to honor theirs.
As a new mom, I wish you the insight to find the adjustments that work best for you and your children, the peace to honor your creative spirit in your own unique way, and good wine for the times when you just aren’t sure what to do yet.
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There is a good chance that what is going on in between your periods is a mystery to you. Most people have no idea that a woman is only fertile part of her cycle, let alone for how many days and when that might actually happen.
And the prospect of knowing exactly when you are fertile and infertile without any help from a doctor sounds ludicrous.
Yet, for about as long as we have had "the pill" we have known with scientific rigor how to teach a woman to find those fertile days and use that information in such a way that she can have an entirely natural, 99.6% effective birth control method at her fingertips. Has the fact that we've known this been trumped by our infatuation with the pill? Perhaps, but a huge chunk of women are now getting off of hormones and looking for a natural alternative. Since we have spent such a long time not talking about what those natural methods are (or making them endlessly confusing when we do talk about them), I want to help you understand the best of these methods.
What I'm talking about here is the sympto-thermal method of fertility awareness. This is one of a variety of fertility awareness based methods (FABMs). Some of these methods include outdated and ineffective methods like the rhythm method (I strongly recommend that you NOT use that method), and some are more modern and scientific (like the sympto-thermal method). What they all have in common is that they identify your fertile phase during your cycle and you avoid intercourse or use a barrier during that time if you are trying to avoid pregnancy or you concentrate intercourse during that time if you are trying to conceive. The reason some methods are worse is because they do a terrible job of actually finding your fertile phase.
You see, methods such as the rhythm method only use calculations based on past cycles to determine when you are probably fertile and probably infertile. The reason this doesn't work is because your current cycle can change, even if you've had regular cycles in the past.
Enter the beauty of the sympto-thermal method. This method is all about using scientifically proven fertility signs (that you can check in the comfort of your own home) that help you answer daily and with confidence "Am I fertile? Yes or no."
The signs that you use? Cervical fluid and basal body temperature.
Cervical fluid is a substance created inside of your cervix (that's the lower part of your uterus) to help make your vaginal environment more alkaline and easily swimable by sperm. It's not created all cycle, though, it's created only when estrogen levels are rising and high, which happens to be when the egg is maturing just before ovulation. That's why cervical fluid works as such a perfect indicator of fertility. Without cervical fluid your vaginal environment is like a death trap for sperm, since it's so acidic that sperm can only live for a few hours, tops. So when your egg is maturing and getting ready for ovulation, that's when your body produces this substance that will help sperm live and that you can actually see and feel. How do you see it? It conveniently comes right out to your vaginal opening. In fact, if you haven't been on hormonal birth control for all of your reproductive years you've probably noticed it as a slippery sensation when wiping or like some kind of egg whites coming out of your vagina. Yep, that's the baby-making juice in action.
Basal body temperature is a way of saying "your temperature at rest." To be most accurate with this sign you are taking your temperature first thing when you wake up on a daily basis. The reason you do this is because you can actually see a jump in your temperature after you ovulate. While that as help as knowing in advance that you are close to ovulation, like with the information you get from your cervical fluid, it's very help in that it can confirm that you are indeed ovulating and be a second sign confirming that ovulation has already passed.
When you put those two signs together, chart them so you don't forget anything, and apply a few rules to the chart you have one of the most awesome (and effective) birth control methods around. Not only are you getting a natural method of birth control, but it will teach you a huge amount about your body and leave you feeling in control and empowered.
About the writer:
It means to not ever be able to sleep as you were able to before
Step on toys spread all over the floor
Develop a strong sense of smell
Worry when the child doesn’t eat well
Be covered in poop and pee from head to toe
Sometimes feeling down and low
Invest in ear plugs
But get lots of kisses and hugs
Wipe buggers and snot
Hear your little one say, “I love you a lot”
Get hit in the head by flying toys
A house filled with loud noise
A mind full of lists of things to do
Never fully prepared for what we really have to go through
Learning along the way
Hoping that it will be easy one day
Investing in chocolate and wine
Wishing for a little bit of self-time
Loving every step of the way
Being called a mom every day!
When people ask me about a second child I begin to twitch a little. It's the same repetitive question I have been listening to the last couple of years. I appreciate questions of "How's being a mom?" "How's your toddler?" or anything else related to how I'm handling life in general. These are the questions that matter at the moment. Bashing with the question of, "When are you getting a second child" was sweet at first but it slowly transformed into more of an annoyance. It’s not just because I don’t know what to say, it’s because the answer to this question is tedious and no one ever has time to listen nor is it something I would like to share with everyone. Pregnancy and child prepping, those are all intimate topics. They are topics that should be discussed by only two people, preferably in private.
Can I be honest? I love kids and so does my husband. My first born is my inspiration. I always knew I wanted to specialize working with kids, but I didn’t know how interested I would be in the pregnancy field. My whole life changed after I had my son. I didn’t only physically change, but emotionally too. I became a different person. I became a mom. I fell in love with being a mom so it was an easy career choice to start helping other moms. If it means that I need to sacrifice the spacing of my kids to make sure I give a hundred percent to family and career, then I am willing to take it.
Most of my friends are now starting to have kids but I was the first one to be pregnant. I didn’t have the right support system back then. Pregnancy is a big step and it’s a much bigger step the second time around, especially if you don’t have the right support. Every pregnancy is different. Every baby is different. It's not 1-2-3 and go! I wish taking care of a second child would be as easy as asking the question. It’s not the groceries lady’s business nor my acquaintances nor friends. The thing is there is a difference between wanting and having. It’s no one’s business of course when we have our second child. (Unless of course they want to donate to the child’s college fund).
I honestly do not understand why it is such a hot topic. The continuous interrogation began ever since my child turned one. I am just feeling like a normal human being again, almost three years later. I am in no rush. I don’t have a timeline. I mean these questions have becomes so absurd that instead of greeting me, I get asked “When’s the second one?” or “Are you pregnant yet?”. I do not care if it’s done out of curiosity, or just simple love, it needs to stop. Someone even had the audacity to remark, “I am sorry you’re not having a second one yet, I feel really sorry for your child.” Really? YOU feel sorry for my child? My child is getting all the love and attention he deserves and YOU feel sorry for him? I don’t. I think he’s having the time of his life. I think people are ignorant. Yes in the long run having two kids, two years apart might be great because they will love each other to death, or kill each other in the long run. Who knows? One thing that I know is that I personally wouldn’t be able to dedicate myself to raising my toddler with a demanding newborn in my arms, because that’s the reality, my reality. I applaud those people who do. My husband and I are on our own. We’re raising our toddler and 5 year old puppy by ourselves and its up to us to decide when and if we are ready.
I am not racing nor competing with anyone; I am just enjoying the four of us. So next time you see a mother with a toddler and criticize her for not having a second child, maybe ask how she’s doing first before asking when she’s popping out her second one. Just saying!
I think as moms we sometimes tend to loose ourselves. We forget to love ourselves because we are too busy loving others. There is not enough time in the day to work, run errands, and take care of the house. Stay at home mom or working mom, it doesn't matter, there is still not enough time for yourself. In the first 2.5 years of my postpartum life I put myself last. I wanted to make sure that my son comes first. Even though at the moment I thought I was doing the right thing, I was wrong. You know that saying, "love yourself first so you can love everyone else." Its true. You have to. In order to raise a healthy and happy family, the key isn't to put the baby first. The key is to love yourself because then you will be healthy and happy in order to love your child maximally. I am sure there are moms that will disagree with me but trust me its not fun being last. You need to make time for yourself. It can be just an hour a day but you need it, you need it to clear your mind. Motherhood can be stressful and sometimes you just need to do that for yourself. I am still learning to make that time, but I have realized that once the mom is happy the whole family is too. In the short matter of time that I started to make changes, so did my husband. We were able to work out together, eat healthier, and just be overall happier. We made changes to be more actively present whether it was putting our phones away during family meals or just playing on the floor with our son. Healthy and happy moms create healthy and happy families! Here are a few of my ways that I distress and maybe they can work for you too!
1. Working out
-whether it is a walk, going to the gym, joining classes, or working out with other moms working out will help clear your mind and make you happier. Research has shown that when you work out chemicals such as endorphins are released that make you feel happy. A happy and less stressed mom? yes please! Invite your mom friends for support!
2. Play dates
-while the kids have fun, you can have your own fun and socialize with mommy friends. Its true when they say it takes a village to raise a child. You can't do this on your own and you need friends to help. Even talking to someone who understands what it is to be a mom can help.
3. Night Out with Girlfriends
-Girlfriends are an amazing support system, something I didn't realize before. Having left all of my close friends in another city when I moved, and being the first of many friends to give birth naturally I didn't have the right support system. Thankfully I made mommy friends who brought me back to life.
4. Date Night with the Hubs
-No matter what it is going out to the movies or staying at home and watching a movie you need it.
You need that time together
5. Spa & Pampering
-Massages, pedicures/manicures, hair cut just anything to make you feel good
6. Find an activity that makes you yourself again
-loosing my identity when I became a mom happened because I dedicated my whole 24/7 life to my now toddler. Find a hobby that you like and do it. You can't loose yourself and it's also a good way to stay sane. Mine is writing, can you tell;)
What do you do to stay sane on this journey of motherhood? I would love to hear!
Body Image. Such a hard topic for so many women. I didn’t realize how much my body would change with pregnancy and how afterwards it wouldn’t just jump back to what it used to be. I mean yes there are women who are blessed with getting back their pre-pregnancy body right away but most of us aren’t so lucky. I was ignorant to think that I would jump back into shape by breastfeeding. I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy. I was pretty fit before I got pregnant. I went to the gym all the time. When I got pregnant I was gifted with “morning sickness” except I had it throughout the whole day. Thank you hormones! Thankfully it was my 5th term in school (that’s when we were done with all of the tremendously hard science classes where the teachers tried drowning the weak-I made it!), and the easier term (kinda). I slept for 14 hours each day. I think I did my homework in my sleep. Anyways I did not have anytime what-so-ever to exercise. BIG MISTAKE! You know the images of celebrities popping a baby and then looking amazing? You see it doesn’t work that way for everyone.
Many claim that breastfeeding helps you loose weight and I applaud the women that are able to loose all their weight with breastfeeding, but honestly it does not work for everyone. I found out that the hard way. I know I’m not the only one like that because I heard other moms say they gained weight instead. True story. It’s a great way to get women to breastfeed but women should not count on it. There are things that have to happen postpartum that will help guide you to loose the weight. I wish someone took my hand and helped me.
I was too busy trying to finish Chiropractic school, breastfeed in the middle of classes (and argue with teachers not to count me absent because I needed to pump), and too busy being harassed by some of my teachers verbally. Looking back I can definitely say that it was a tough postpartum journey for me! The stress of leaving my newborn child with strangers who we thought were good nannies, but weren’t, also added incredible hardship (but that’s a story for another day). Looking back I really wish I could have put all the stress to the side and just had a calm, relaxing postpartum experience. Sometimes I wish I could rewind and re-live it all again just so I could stand up to those teachers that made my life hell, fire those nannies right away that neglected my newborn son, and just scream/cry for help. I obviously didn’t. The cry comes two years later when I finally have time for myself.
I am finally where I want to be. Specializing in what I love to do. Nothing is perfect of course and there is room for many changes of course but my husband gave me a wake up call the other day. My sweet husband looked at me while I was stressing over nonsense and said, “you have the time to take care of yourself, and only yourself now.” It was true. These past two years I put myself last. I forgot about myself and put everyone else first. I have finally reached the time where it can be all about me and I can start my self-healing journey. As a mom you need to remember to concentrate not only on your family, but on yourself as well. It is important for you to grow as an individual and then grow as a family. Now I understand my psychology teacher when he asked us in class one day back in Chiropractic school term 8 (when my little one was 4 months), who should be valued first in the family. The options were family as a whole, the baby, the relationship of the parents, or the parents as individuals? I chose baby. I was a new mom. What do you expect? Baby was my number one. Everything revolved around him and it still does but differently. I don’t have to worry that I have to rush home on a 5 minute break to breastfeed him. He is growing up so fast and doing a lot of things on his own. I realize that YOU as a MOM have to take care of yourself first. A happy Mom is a healthy Mom, and a happy/healthy Mom makes a happy/healthy family. There are so many things that I would have done during postpartum that no one told me about but now is my chance to inform other moms.
10 POSTPARTUM TIPS THAT I WISH I KNEW BACK THEN:
1. Breastfeeding MAY OR MAY NOT help you loose weight. Do it but don’t count on it. (I did….ergghhhh WRONG!)
2. You get super hungry when breastfeeding, at least I did. They say you need more calories when breastfeeding, BUT HEALTHY Calories!
3. I don’t care if you are a stay-at-home mom or a busy working (or going to school full time mom)- you will NOT have time to make healthy food throughout the day. Prep it the night before or over the weekend when your significant other can help. Cut veggies, fruits up so they can be easily accessible throughout the day. Other great snacks are granola bars, yogurt (there are non-dairy options as well), nuts, and dried fruit.
4. For quick dinners: invest in a steamer for veggies (can be used for baby later) because it only takes 2 minutes to wash the veggies and turn it on, the rest is all up to the steamer and they are ready in 20 minutes! Crockpots and pressure cookers are awesome as well. I loved using a table top grill to make some chicken.
5. Stock up on some frozen meals like ravioli from Costco or steamed rice from Trader Joes. They also have orange chicken to go with the rice which is one of my favorite fast dinners when there’s no time for cooking. This is better than stopping by fast food places! TRUST me I know. I ate at Corner Bakery and Panera Bread for most of my pregnancy and then postpartum (they were close to school and fast). Not a good idea.
6. Deny those cravings! It’s okay to satisfy them during pregnancy, not so much during postpartum.
7. EXERCISE. Find that time. Do it! And if you are breastfeeding it is a myth not to exercise. As long as you are cleared by the doctor then you are solid to start. I was told not to do it because either my milk will taste sour or I will loose all of my supply. Take it easy and do it. Dedicate at least half an hour to yourself a day. You can also go for nice, long walks with the baby in the stroller. Fresh air is good for the baby and you!
8. Stay hydrated and drink lots of water!
9. Get adjusted by a Chiropractor. My back was killing me when I was breastfeeding. I went to get massages but relief came and then went. Getting regular adjustments is the only thing that helped. If you are not breastfeeding, still get adjusted! Did you know that babies can get super heavy? I am still carrying my 31 pounds of joy and I really feel it in my back!
10. Love your body. It just made a baby. Take care of it. Realize it may not ever look the same again, but it is perfect in every way.
I am heading out on my new journey of changes.
I haven’t written a postpartum blog in a while, yet postpartum is the 4th trimester and is the most important. Working in the baby world I have had several discussions with moms about how postpartum care is so essential yet so overlooked. It is very troublesome to meet so many moms who share the same experiences that they received during postpartum care. These stories are very similar to mine, postpartum care was non-existent. As a first time mom I didn’t know what to expect. I read books and googled a lot. Most of the information lead me to learn more and more about pregnancy and build up fear around birth, but nothing was ever brought up about the 4th trimester. So I had to find out the hard way, live through it.
Did you know that you bleed non-stop for days after, and continue to have contractions? It’s like having a period on steroids! It’s pretty bad. I mean I thought I had horrible periods before, but I was wrong. My mom used to always say when I was scrunched up in a ball yelling from my pain during a period, “don’t worry when you give birth your periods will get so much lighter and better.” So I waited and waited. I got my period again 4 months postpartum while still breastfeeding and thought I was dying. I left frantic messages to my doc asking if it was normal. I thought I was bleeding to death. I apologize for such descriptions but you need to know it will get worse before it gets better. You need to be prepared. I also didn’t have the right knowledge and support at the time and for that I’m paying for with my belly. You need to wear a postpartum band, specific for postpartum. This will tighten up your abdominal muscles (the ones that were stretched out). There are so many things you need postpartum that you don’t think about because you are so focused on other things. After the baby comes there is no time for shopping for those items. Here is my recommended postpartum list of things below! Remember Mamas, self-care is an essential part of trimester 4.
Happy Mama=Happy Baby!
1. Witch Hazel. You can buy it at your local CVS or walgreens
2. Granny panties
3. Big pads-I mean big!
4. Americaine Spray
5. You need ice cubes that you can put into the pads or put the pads into the freezer
6. Breastfeeding tops and bras if you are planning on breastfeeding
7. Belly band—-one that I heard works really well is Bandit
8. Mamastrut-check it out on http://www.mamastrut.com/ It wasn’t available when I gave birth 2 years ago but I had an opportunity to sit down with one of the representatives and try it out. I loved it! I will definitely be getting one in the future.
9. Squirt bottle-an alternative to showering, you may have to use it for a little bit just until that region heals.
10. Disposable pads-I would recommend putting these underneath yourself when going to sleep at least for the first few nights.
Things to remember:
1. If you breastfeed, that helps the uterus shrink
2. There will be bleeding and pain but it will all go away
3. If you breastfeed you may still get a period in a couple months. This does NOT mean you cannot continue to breastfeed. Sometimes supply during your period may be diminished but helping it by drinking breastfeeding teas and other things that can improve your supply can help. Supply usually re-establishes back after when the period is over.
4. Postpartum is the 4th trimester. People always forget about it. Find the right support before you have your baby. Most obgyns do not provide enough information about it so reach out to support groups, doulas, and other moms to find out more information on what to expect.
Self care is important. Seeing a Chiropractor after your birth is crucial. Postpartum is the right time to get your body back into shape and a Chiropractor can help do that through massage and adjustments, especially if you are breastfeeding. Trust me I have been there and it is the worst to sit in a rocking chair, leaned over trying to feed your baby while experiencing intensive upper back pain.
4TH TRIMESTER is the hardest. Who said it would be easy is really not preparing you for reality! With the right tools and support it is definitely manageable, so be prepared.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the beautiful mommies out there! Being a mommy is a 24/7 job. I hope your day if filled with love and happiness, but not just today every day!
Here’s something special for Mother’s day. Our secret sleep solution…
My little one slept in a bassinet until 4 months, of course waking every 2 hours to breastfeed. Then he outgrew his bassinet and we transferred him into a small crib that fit into our room. Yes, call me crazy but I’m one of those moms that will stand and check if he’s breathing while he’s sleeping so he had to sleep next to me. We decided that we would try to do sleep training because we heard it really works and some of my friends’ babies were doing really well with it. I kept pushing it back though, saying we would do it next week or the week after but for us we couldn’t find a perfect time. With sleep training you have to have stability, and we were constantly in the process of finding a good nanny. Besides, I was also balancing school so I wasn’t home all the time. When I finally decided to try it out at 6 months I felt like it was too late. I read about how infant’s separation anxiety peaks at 5.5 to 6 months, so we decided to wait a couple of more weeks. Honestly, there wasn’t a perfect time to start and I think hubby and I were starting to get frustrated; our little one was taking over our bed. One night when I was exhausted and my husband decided to put our little one to sleep, he decided to put him on our bed, and he fell asleep right away. He was about 4 months. We stacked pillows everywhere and let him sleep. Transferring him wasn’t an option because he would wake up right away so we decided to co-sleep, it was easier on me too because then I could just feed him and go back to sleep. Little did I know it was going to be a hard journey to change this habit.
At six months when we began to introduce solids, my husband and I decided we wanted our bed back. We put his crib next to our bed and tried to sleep train. Sleep training lasted five minutes. I couldn’t let him cry. Cry out method was horrible. It was just plain torture. So we had to do something else. We started to put him down in the crib and teach him it was time to go to sleep. We would do a routine. Always starting at 7pm. First, was bath time (not every day of course because babies’ skin is too sensitive), feeding, a book, and then music. I would lie next to him and pretend I was sleeping. It took maybe a week but then he understood that once I closed my eyes it was time for sleep. We played music on his mobile but as he got older we turned on Pandora lullabies. Jewel was his favorite singer, and still is. As soon as he fell asleep I slipped away. As he became older and stole my pillow from me around 9 months it became easier. He knew the routine and he knew it was bedtime. Once I started to decrease breastfeeding, especially night feedings we transferred him to his own room and to a big crib. We started getting him used to the big crib by first playing in there and then napping. Finally when he was ready to sleep there by himself we decorated the room. His love of cars made it easy. We threw car decals onto the walls, a car picture, and a car night light. We added music and he was ready to sleep on his own. The routine stayed the same and I still pretended I was sleeping when I put him to bed and I lay on the couch. Yes, there were still screams sometimes but only for a few minutes and then he plumped back on his pillow held onto Elmo and went to sleep. That was another important aspect of bedtime, was to find the right toy. I went through 3 toys until I found one he loved to cuddle with. It also helps if the toy has a melody. Knock on wood but we’re pretty lucky. Probably our next one will be the loud one.
Starting at 13 months old we continued our routine, said goodnight, and closed the door. I no longer have to stay in the room. Try it out with your little one if you can’t get them to fall asleep. It’s not sleep training but it’s our sleep method. There’s no wrong or right. Do what works for your little one and you. It was a way that we got him to sleep through the night early on, actually very early on. We made him Mr. Independent from just a few months and now I miss my cuddle bug. Too late to look back we have a little man running around in toddler’s shoes.
SLEEPY DREAMS METHOD
It was a Friday morning and I didn’t have a chance to pack the night before as I always do because I was working at a pregnancy workshop. I thought about the past week and when I could fit everything in but it was impossible. There are honestly not enough hours in a day when you’re a mom and all of the above. I had twenty minutes to pack and as I threw everything in hoping not to forget something essential, I realized my little one just went down for a nap. I ran into his room but he was fast asleep. I patted his back gently told him that I love him and flew out the door. I was late. Nothing new but there was just a slight problem, LA traffic. I got to the airport a few minutes before boarding was going to start. As I was rushing to find the airport gate (of course they switched it last second and the other gate was located on the opposite side), I noticed a mom and a little toddler. Their interaction was so simple but sweet, made me miss my little one. The toddler was showing the mom that he needed to wash his hands, just like my little one rubs his palms together. I took a deep breath in and out and continued to my gate. I missed my little toddler.
As I sat down in the airplane next to the window, a rush of thoughts entered my head. What is my little one doing right now? What will he eat for dinner? What will he do tomorrow? I felt overwhelmed. I was excited to finally have a mini vacation and hang out with the girls for one of best friend’s bachelorette party but I felt like I was doing something wrong. A feeling of heaviness lingered around. GUILT had struck me. I was absolutely 100 % confident that he was in great hands spending the weekend with his dad, but I was disappointed that I didn’t have enough time during the week to be with him and now the weekend. When is there ever enough time for anything? Spending time with my little one is always a priority and these two weekends have been hectic. However, sometimes as a mom you just have to stop, push those horrible feelings aside that drive you with guilt, and know that you need some time for yourself as well. It’s like they always say on the plane, or in Virgin America’s case “sing” that you have to put your oxygen mask on first and then put it on your little one. I might be over exaggerating but if you don’t take care of yourself then who will take care of your little one if your not there? You need to have some time to yourself, and this was my time this weekend. To be a better mom, to be a better person you have to have ME TIME! Don’t let those feelings get to you. Just know that you are doing it to benefit you as well as your little one. Get out and do something for yourself whether it be a manicure/pedicure or a simple stroll outside. Take care of yourself so you can give that 110 % to your little one. I feel very lucky and blessed to have such a support system that I could be stress free on my mini getaway (after I pushed those thoughts out of my head of course).
How to be worry free on your next getaway:
1. the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
I remember in my psychology class when my teacher asked the class to raise their hands who thought that the relationship between you and your partner is more important than the relationship with your baby. What a tricky question. Of course I thought the baby is the most important but I did vote for the relationship between partners. I was split; I didn’t know how he could have asked a question like that. I just recently gave birth and knew my focus was more on the baby than anything else. Who can concentrate on something when you have this newly bundle of joy in your hands that you need to give your whole attention to. Wrong. You have to build a family on a strong foundation. You have to establish a strong relationship and keep it going when there are new challenges. It takes two to do that. As in the definition above, both have to be present and willing to put in the same amount of work. A strong relationship doesn't just fall when there are new obstacles added because those two people have both been working hard to keep it.
Building and maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner will establish a strong foundation for your family, especially for your little one. You have to work to keep it going but if you turn around and the person standing beside you isn’t on the same page, it’s definitely hard to continue. Make sure both of you are on the same page. People say communication is key, but be realistic who is going to listen? When unhappiness hits make sure to create change. Have date nights, family days, and be straightforward. Be able to listen to each other even though sometimes that’s hard. Don’t take advantage of each other, sometimes that’s easy to do when you’re married thinking the person won’t go anywhere. You tend to forget why you’ve fallen in love, create that atmosphere. Create a home together where both of you run to after a long day. Respect each other. Live for each other and your family. Value what’s important. If something is standing in the way, go around it together. If you can’t then it might be time to think of other options. Sometimes there’s a point you reach where you won’t tolerate certain situations. “They kind of make you sick to your stomach and then you reflect and think why am I in this type of relationship again? I deserve better.” Whatever the decision is make sure it makes you happy. Make sure as a woman you are LOVED, RESPECTED, and GIVEN the attention you deserve. After all, we are women and we need that sometimes too.
3 C’s to remember during communication: